Blog, Pitang.

“Communication is not what you say, but what the other person understands.”

Does that make sense to you? If so, does it make sense to someone else as well?

As agilists, our premise is to value individuals and interactions over processes and tools.  Viewed this way, we understand that transparency is the best way to ensure that communication happens and impediments are removed.
When we place strategy ahead of need, we hinder dialogue. On the other hand, when both sides express their needs, a solution often emerges.

We don't need to say that listening to people is important; however, we often think that hearing is enough. Being able to truly hear what the other person is saying or express what we really mean is usually a difficult task.

Many everyday conflicts could be eased or even avoided just with words.

Nonviolent Communication

What Nonviolent Communication (NVC) shows is that behind certain behaviors, there are people with unmet needs who simply do not know how to communicate properly. Instead of judging, blaming, or getting angry, we need empathy to realize this.

According to Pelizzoli, NVC is a practical philosophy, a method, and a way of viewing human relationships whose main vehicle is good communication, inspired by the basic sociability/compassion that guides human/social life toward fulfillment and satisfaction.

It guides us through the process of reframing the way we express ourselves and listen to others, focusing on four areas:

“What concrete actions are we observing that affect our well-being; How we feel in relation to what we are observing; What needs, values, desires, etc., are creating our feelings; What concrete actions are we requesting in order to enrich our lives.” (Rosenberg).

It might seem simple, but it certainly isn't easy. It is a constant exercise in reconditioning our communication process.

NVC is more of a state of awareness than a correct way of speaking. The next time you give feedback, think about this.

Try doing it this way:

“I noticed that in the last few meetings you were answering messages on your phone. I don't feel good when that happens because I need your attention during meetings. Your contribution to the meeting makes it more productive. Please, in the next meeting, could you answer messages at another time?”

Nonviolent Communication is an extremely effective tool for providing feedback. It helps maintain a healthy and productive environment, while also preventing unnecessary conflicts.